When I first started this blog I had full intention of writing exactly what was on my mind. When I started get more followers I decided that wasn’t the best idea as I may hurt some feelings. That would not be my intention as this is just a place for me to speak my mind but I wouldn’t want someone to read this and get a negative experience from it. The last week or so I haven’t really felt like myself. (yes I know – “Who did you feel like Tracy?”, you are SO funny 😉 )
I don’t know what is going on with me but, I get like this a few times a year. I guess its just when everything finally comes to a head and I can’t seem to take anymore. I have a great life but have a lot of stresses. Just to name a few
1. I possibly need more surgery on my back
2. I have had a migraine for over 10 weeks and have had numerous brain scans to try and figure out whats going on
3. My dad is very ill and my mom is not well either and they are now living in Ireland. I can’t just hop in the car and see them and I miss them very much
4. Mr. A is still in need of a better job
those are the bigger things. I am not complaining but I do want people to understand that I don’t just complain or think I have stress over getting dinner on the table. I have real stress and real problems.
Today, while at my friends house, I broke down crying. I had been fighting it for hours but after carrying J, holding L’s hand, carrying 5 bags and a teddy bear into their house L decided that she wanted to go home NOW. Dinner was 5 minutes away from being ready and I was hungry and was looking forward to just catching up with Christine. I packed everything up because I just wasn’t in the frame of mind to deal with a tantrum and just wanted to give in. Mr. A talked her into sitting down to eat dinner and I had to walk into the formal living room just to have a quick cry – the problem is the quick cry turned into a 10 minute cry and I got caught by Mr. A. We had a short talk and as usual he made me feel better. I think that I try to take on too much. I tend to hold in my feeling and how much pain I am in everyday because really who needs to hear it everyday.
Sitting in bed tonight with L sleeping and J by my side I do feel better. There is still one area in my life that makes me sad but I don’t think it will be fixed anytime soon. I do try but others don’t feel that I do. I don’t know how to fix that or if I want too put more effort into it as I keep getting my feelings hurt. I guess it will all work itself out in the end.
Tomorrow is girls night at Nikki’s. J is coming with me, as i’m still nursing, and L is spending the night downstairs at her Nana and Papa’s. I’m really looking forward to it. Nikki and Amber are two of my favorite people. I really do consider Nikki to be a sister from another life. Our souls knew each other at one point in this lifetime.
Here is a picture of me just before I took my makeup off for the night… I look completely haggard and exhausted right now lol