Okay now that I have your attention 🙂
I realized all too late that the 30th was the end of National Breastfeeding week and many mom’s are sharing their stories. I had planned to share mine a little while ago and then never wrote it up so here I go!
L was born exactly three weeks early in Sept of 2009. I knew I was planning to breastfeed or at least give it a try. When she was born she latched on pretty good but then it started to get harder. She was so little that she didn’t have a great sucking reflex so she was getting a few bottles here and there in the hospital. Once I got home I had a lot of trouble, I did call the help line for nursing a few times and they gave me some good information but she still wasn’t latching. I decided that I was going to keep trying but also pump. As you may or may not know when you pump you loose the ability to produce milk quite quickly. I also need to mention that we had just moved in with my in-laws and were in the process of getting the house downstairs ready for them to move into. We were all living in the same space with a newborn….needless to say I couldn’t relax. About 6 weeks in I stopped breastfeeding. I was a little disappointed but I was so tired and a little stressed that it made life easier just to bottle feed.
Then I got pregnant with J in May of 2011. I knew this time I was going to try my best to nurse. J latched on right away and had no issues at all until he was about 4.5 months old. He started eating so much that after he ate from me he would still be hungry so I would have to give him a bottle. It got to the point that when I would try to feed him he would scream. I would try everything, different positions, relaxing but nothing would work. After 15 minutes I would give in and just give him a bottle. It wasn’t so bad because at night (when I needed it the most) he would still nurse. It was great because I didn’t have to worry about getting a bottle ready. He then started sleeping through the night so that kind of went by the way side.
I was beating myself up and in doing that my milk wouldn’t let down. I read a lot of things online and talked to a few different people and at the end of the day I realized that I had to do what was best for me. I decided to just switch him over to bottles permanently. I still struggle with the decision. I feel like in a way I let him down and myself down but he is thriving (he is 20 lbs and 6 months old!) and I get to share feeding with everyone else in the house which they enjoy.
My advice to any moms out there that aren’t sure is to go with your gut. I would recommend at least trying it. There is nothing like the bond when you are feeding your little one. It’s a perfect moment and no one else can understand it but, if it’s not for you then it’s not for you. Us mom’s beat ourselves up over to many things this should not be one of them. Do what feels best for you and your baby…end of story!