“Mama I hope you feel good tomorrow”

The above sentence is what L has been saying to me for the last few weeks. Not everyday but whenever she thinks about it.

I have been sick for what feels like forever, but in reality it’s been just over 4 weeks.

My list of symptoms are actually quick small. Anytime I eat anything I feel sick immediately. Before I am finished with whats on the plate my stomach is in knots. I then either immediately throw up or just feel like I am going to for hours.
The biggest symptom is my fatigue. I can’t even explain to you how tired I am. If you have been pregnant you know about the first trimester fatigue… this. is. worse. Within 30 minutes of waking up I am already falling asleep. I slap myself, splash cold water on my face, drink coffee, take vitamins but nothing helps. It panic’s me. I started getting anxiety about it because I am nervous that I am going to fall asleep when I am the only one home with the kids.

I went for a play date a few weeks ago with two of the mommy’s from L’s school. We were having a great time when all of a sudden a wave of heat came over me. I went to the bathroom and just sat for a few minutes and felt a bit better. I washed my face and headed back downstairs. After another few minutes I started to feel even more sick. I headed back upstairs to the bathroom brining J with me this time as he was crying because I was walking away. I got up to the bathroom and sat down for a minute. I always contemplate how this is going to go down, where the towel is, the sink, the toilet, if there is anything to clean up after or how precise I must be. This is a gorgeous powder room but didn’t leave much room for error lol. Within 3 minutes there I was, head in the toilet vomiting uncontrollably. The worst part was I scared J, he was crying so hard because obv it’s not a site any 18 month old wants to see. I couldn’t console him. I had to rub his belly with my hand without really looking at him, or in between breathes telling him it’s okay.

I went home that day not feeling so hot, but I had the hope that I would start to feel better. I didn’t… so I headed to the doctor the other day and got a bunch of blood taken. I got a phone call yesterday that said a few things were elevated, but nothing was out of the ordinary. My answer to that was, is it ordinary for me to fall asleep 30 minutes after waking up? Or throw up all day? Or be nauseous constantly? No It’s not! I don’t feel comfortable taking care of my kids. I spend most days being afraid of being too sick to get up or counting the hours until Mr. A goes or comes home from work.

Now it looks like I am going for an endoscopy. I told them I wanted something else checked out because something is obviously wrong and if they don’t want to look into it then I am going to go other avenues. I am nervous about it, not because I think something is wrong but because I don’t know if they are going to find anything. If they don’t find anything it means that I have to feel like this for god knows how long….that scares me.

We went to the park today and after an hour I was panicking. I had to sit on the swing, I couldn’t catch my breath and my head was spinning. We had to leave and take the kids home and I felt awful. L wanted to play with her friends but she knew I was sick. She told me she was sorry I didn’t feel good and understood that we had to go. That makes me feel horrible :(. She understands that because mommy is sick we can’t have fun at the park. In that moment I hugged her and told her that she was the best little girl in the world and mommy was sorry for being sick. I squeezed her tight and gave her a big kiss and told her that we would go to the park next week and to make it up to her we were going to Dunkin Donuts to get a strawberry coolata {Her favorite!}

So for now I am taking it one day at a time. I am waking up and seeing how I feel that day and just making the best of it. I am hoping to get a few more orders for my boards so I can possibly hire a babysitter for one day a month or a few times a month so I can have a day to just relax and recharge. Honestly though when I think about the kids going to someone all day it bothers me. L is older and going out with some friends to the mall and stuff is fine, but the little man has never been away from me and i’m not sure how I could handle it. Sounds totally unrealistic and I will have to do it someday, but right now I have to warm up to the idea.

Thanks for listening to my rant 🙂 If you have any suggestions please let me know.

{No I am not pregnant!!}

9 responses to ““Mama I hope you feel good tomorrow”

  1. Was just about to ask if you was pregnant until I got to the end of the post LOL. Are you on any contraception? For the last 3/4 months I had been vomitting 1-4 times a month and thought it was due to not eating enough. Anyways, lo and behold, I came off my pill and the sickness was gone and my tiredness also! I had a hormone imbalance caused by my contraception which was making me emotional, sick, tired etc. If they hadn’t found that out, I would have ended up with an endoscopy as well so I’m right with you. Will be keeping an eye out for your updates xx

    • No. Not on the pill or anything else as it makes me really sick too. Lol everyone thinks its pregnancy when they hear the symptoms but I have had three different tests and I’m not missing my period either. I will let y’all know what’s going on as I get more news. Thanks for the lovely comment

  2. I like the disclaimer at the bottom of your blog – but this doesn’t sound like pregnancy! I really hope the doctor finds something, anything would be better than not knowing how to fix it. I hope you feel better momma!

  3. When my gall bladder began to have a blockage that is how I was, at the time, the blockage was too small to see with xray. By the time they did the scope, it was huge and surgery was necessary. Hope you feel better soon. Gravy, high fat foods, spicy foods were my worst enemy. I would curl on floor in pain. Keep us posted. Hope they find it soon.

    • Someone mentioned gallbladder yesterday actually! I am hoping to have the endoscopy very soon, I’m not worried bc I have had a few before. I will keep every one updated. Thanks xx

      • The surgery was an in and out same day and then I was actually up doing light housework within two days. Made a huge difference. Keep a journal of what you eat see if it is any of those foods I mentioned earlier. Helps dr. too

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