Do you ever have one if those nights? The nights where you start off tired and decide to go to bed early?
You are tired but not tired enough to get into bed yet so you take two sleeping pills (hey before you gasp they are all natural, organic, non habit forming yadda yadda) to help you in your way to dreamland, where you will no doubt dream about pink lollipops and unicorns and if your lucky *insert favorite actor here for your viewing pleasure* riding said unicorn topless.
So you get into bed, okay let’s just cut the third person crap I know by now you all know this is about me. The jig is up. Okay so I’m in bed. Tossing and turning and my newest symptom kicks in. My “panic attack” which consists of the skin on my entire body feeling like it’s crawling. Literally I feel like my skin is moving an it’s infuriating. I can’t stay still and it’s mainly in my legs. No, it’s not restless leg syndrome bc I have that as well, my heart races and I feel like I can’t breath. I get the breathing under control but can’t get the skin under control so I take another sleeping pill. (No judgment zone remember, I will show you the box so you can see it’s perfectly safe).
An hour later nothing, no sleep no change in feeling and I am about to rip my skin off. I have Xanax but since my doctor doesn’t want to give me anymore I am trying to save them. Plus it’s in the car and that’s far away in the driveway. So I take a pain killer as that sometimes does the trick.
*thinks about what to cook for dinner tomorrow, pork chops with a roasted red pepper, mushroom white wine sauce…. Check.
* thinks about how nice it would be for us to have a family dinner at the dining room table, must clean it off tomorrow and decorate it….check.
*thinks about how her skin is crawling… Dammit no, you are supposed to be under control!
Then it hits me! I have my muscle relaxers. I hardly ever take them because they make me tired but they might help my body relax.
It’s an hour later and I can relax. No crawling skin, no horrible back pain, no muscle aches from the fibromyalgia.
But now I have been thinking for so long I’m not even tired!!
It’s now 3:09am. My little man woke up 20 minutes ago and came into my room. He is now lying with his head on my knees because he likes to kick me in the face as he sleeps. My hubby has to get up for work at 4:30 and tells me that I have been keeping him awake. In fact I have because he has snored all night that I have had to move him every 10 minutes lol.
Am I mad I can’t sleep? No. I’m just terrified at what tomorrow is going to bring. On a good day I get tired very quickly and my bones ache. So tomorrow should be interesting.
Now, I am off to try to dream about some naked lollipops and handsome unicorns… Wait that doesn’t sound right. Maybe I’m more tired than I thought 😜
**and yes I know my punctuation is atrocious. I just throw shit in there so it’s not a run on sentence lol. Sorry English majors. (And Lara who is undoubtably ready to kill me as it’s your biggest pet peeve)